Sunday, July 20, 2008

OK, I didn’t write this but I couldn’t resist posting....

This was sent to me and I couldn't just pass it up. I had to post it. I thought it was a very interesting article. I have seen and heard many, many examples of younger men, older women. I have always been interested in hearing more about the successful relationships that people have told me about, so I thought it was very interesting that this article came to me. Thought I would share it for what it's worth........

Dating Older Women By Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D...

Perspectives from the "younger men" and dating tips for them

The reasons why some men date older women are as varied as the women themselves. These women, because of their experience, often have more wisdom and self-assurance than younger women -- perhaps they may also possess more self-reliance and tolerance.
Some men receive mentoring from older women, who have had more relationship experience and often understand men well. Clearer about who they are and what they want, "older women" may even have an advantage in the dating arena.
In some cases, having a relationship with an older woman may work for men who don't want children:
"My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years," says Rocco. "She was 53 and I was 41 when we met. We both shared many values, including our faith. Our children are grown up now, and mine love her. So, it's worked out very well. I tell men who have been divorced at least once to go for an older woman... If you find the right one, don't worry about age -- unless you still want more children."

A man who dates someone who has children his age will run into the occassional social opposition. But there are men (like Ben, 25, who is dating a 45-year-old woman) who can overcome resistance. Ben says:
"A woman can be 25 and marry a man of 45 or 55 and, hey, whatever. Traditionally, it's been ingrained in our psyches... that's the way it goes, but not the other way around. We've always known that age may be an issue. But now that we've been together for a while, I have a new perspective.

Through my experience as a therapist and marriage counselor, age difference isn't as important in a relationship as most people think. What counts is whether a couple can create a working partnership and build an enjoyable life together. So, for you men who've fallen head-over-heels in love with an older woman, I've developed nine tips on how to enjoy your newly found romance:

1. Be a gentleman. An older woman wants to be treated with respect, like any woman does. While she might attracted to your rebelliousness or youthful attitude, she still wants you to treat her with good manners.
2. Don't get ahead of yourself. Don't worry about the future until you actually might have one. Take your time and allow the relationship to develop.
3. Stay calm. You may be excited, but don't overdo it. Have fun and enjoy your dates, but don't come on too strong. She has some reservations, too.
4. Be charming. Don't underestimate how powerful your smile can be. Use it often, make eye contact, and keep the conversation flowing. Pay attention to what interests you about your date, and show interest in her opinions, experiences, and activities. Be complementary whenever possible, and respond intelligently to whatever she says.
5. Don't focus on looks.
Give complements, but focus less on her physical appearance -- she may be anxious about it. And even if you're complementary, she may worry that you're too focused on looks. She wants to be appreciated for who she is, including her intellect and style. Compliments like "That color is lovely on you," or "You look great tonight" are safer than "You're in great shape."
6. Have fun. Keep your dates simple and have a good time. Focus on being pleasant, and not getting too far ahead of the relationship. Refrain from talking too long about any one subject without inviting a comment from your date.
7. Keep conversation interesting and light. Feel free to talk about anything, including your personal lives, past relationships, and love in general, but don't be the one who brings up the intimate topics first. Be wary of prying too deeply into her private life and secrets, unless the information is voluntarily offered.
8. Avoid talking too much about yourself. Keep your focus on learning about your date. Dole out the boring information about yourself. Punctuate your conversation with questions: "What do you think?" "Has it been that way for you?"
9. Pay attention! Listen to answers to your questions. You have things to learn here! Seek to get to know each other better. No matter how thrilled you may be about her, listening to what she says, watching what she does, and understanding how she feels are the most important things you can do.

Can these older woman/younger man relationships last?
In my counseling office, I have seen many relationships succeed with this kind of older woman/younger man scenario.

The media focuses on the age difference, but what really makes or breaks the relationship is how well the couple can form a partnership that works.

Age difference is an adolescent worry: When you're a teenager, an age difference of even two or three years makes a vast difference in your experience and your outlook on life. Such a difference can interfere with communication, life goals, outlook, and relationship experience. In addition, for the young, the social reaction to such a relationship is often negative. If one partner is underage, a sexual relationship is even against the law.
But, as you get older, life experience and emotional growth help to equalize your relationship skills and resources. A 10-year or more difference in your ages makes little difference in how well you can conduct your relationship.

Don't focus on an arbitrary numbers difference in your ages. If you are getting along, you have good communication and problem solving, and you love each other, that's a precious thing, and far more important than any age difference could be. If other people have a problem with it, let it be their problem. Whether or not a relationship is healthy is not determined by age differences, but by the interaction between the partners.

Success in these relationships depends on what the motivations of both people are. Some older people feel younger at heart than their contemporaries and like to date people who are as active as they are. Chronological age doesn't always reflect either physical capability or emotional maturity.

If you're asking: "Is it OK for me to have a partner who is much older or younger than I am?" You'll do better off if you forget about your ages and concentrate on whether the relationship works for both of you, or not. What really makes a romantic relationship succeed is the emotional connection.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Yes, that's right RUTS! God really started talking to me about being in Ruts last week. Someone mentioned it in our group that went out to the Parthenon one night and it just struck a chord in me and I started thinking about it more and more. I realized how easy it is for us to get stuck in Ruts, get out of old Ruts just to go right back in because it's easy and sometimes comfortable, or create new Ruts.

God's not in the RUTS!!!! Over the weekend I was driving in the country and looked out into a field and saw where the cows had made a path from a barn to the field and vice versa. When I saw it the Lord immediatly started talking to me about that. He showed me that as followers of Christ, we have gotten into Ruts in ways we never even thought was a Rut. We have gotten into Ruts in our prayer lives, in the way we pray for people, for situations. We have gotten into Ruts in the way we go to church, how we worship, how we come to Him. If something familiar happens the same way it has happened before in our lives, we tend to go back to that old Rut. We have gotten into Ruts in our thinking processes. If we are hurt, or offended or if something happens in life as it has happened before, we retreat to old thought patterns, which triggers old ways of thinking and acting accordingly, and yet we somehow expect different results!

The Lord said that those cows go out of the barn to the field the same way, every day, out and back in, out and back in, the same old rut. He has said the He is not in the barn anymore........He's over on the other side of the field! He's doing a new thing, working over there and if we stay in the same Rut, headed towards the barn, we're going to miss Him! His word never changes, the end results He has promised in His word never changes, BUT the way He brings them about changes. He is not a cookie cutter God! He is not going to do things the same way over and over again, so that He can be figured out and we can then say, OK if I do this and this and say this and this, and pray that and that, then Poof.....I can have the same results everytime! Nope, not gonna happen! Then we wouldn't need Him if we could do it on our own. He is asking why are we reverting back to old thought processes (Ruts), Old ways of doing things (Ruts), approaching Him in the same old tired way (Ruts), asking for the same old things (Ruts) and expecting something brand new, or something different!

He is saying, "Get out of the Rut, run across that field towards me! Behold old things are passed away, and behold alls things have become new!" Come learn of Him in a new way, force yourself out of that Rut so He can manifest into your life the things you have wanted and prayed for and believed Him for all of your life! Know that He is going to do it His way, and it won't be back where the Rut is! When Jesus called Peter to come and meet Him on the water, I expect the diciples had been across that water that same way many, many times. Peter didn't think twice about jumping out of that boat and heading towards His Lord, but then huge winds, tall waves (circimstances) got in the way and he let those become bigger than his faith in Jesus. Peter got out of the Rut, and he too walked on the water! Jump out of that Rut or Ruts, start running towards Him in a new thought life (our mind is renewed by the word of God), in new ways of thinking, in new actions, and don't let any circumstances get in your way! You will be so glad that you did. You will see the manifestation of the prayers, the things you have been believing Him for, in your life! Praise Him! Jesus is so worthy of ALL our Praise!